Today feels heavy. My chest is tight, my thoughts scattered, and my body exhausted. The weight of rejection, unfinished problems, and worries presses down on me, making it hard to breathe.

I faced rejection again—not from someone new, but from a man I had already cut off. He said yes yesterday, but today he said maybe next time. That small shift in words tore at something inside me. It reminded me of the fragility of hope and how quickly it can dissolve.

Then there are the unfinished problems with my ex. Every interaction about the children leaves me tense, my chest heavy, my mind racing. I can’t stop imagining how they are treated when they’re not with me, and I still feel the sting of seeing my child pulled away against his will. The fear, frustration, and helplessness are exhausting.

On top of all this, my body is telling its own story. My menstruation has lasted 27 days. I am drained, barely holding on, just trying to be alive.

Amid all this chaos, I faced a choice. Tinder has been a place of rejection, of testing my worth, of chasing fleeting desire. I realized I am done proving myself to strangers. I uninstalled it. That small action already feels like a weight lifted—a protection of my heart, my energy, and my clarity.

Sex, desire, and intimacy swirl inside me. I’ve walked paths I never imagined after my divorce, exploring casual encounters and testing my power. Yet deep down, I know I value real intimacy, connection, and reciprocity. I cannot force desire where it does not exist, and I will not settle for shallow experiences. My heart is learning, slowly, how to honor itself while still feeling its fire.